Because of You
by castielhummel
Summary: Post break up (kurt/sebastian, kurt/oc) Kurt reflects on his time with Sebastian


Kurt sat alone in his apartment. His latest relationship with Mr. Seth Collins had just ended. He went to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine and the biggest glass he owned, he needed it after tonight. This newest breakup hurt more than the others. "This is all because of you" he said bitterly looking at the closet. For inside the closet held pictures and other mementos from a previous relationship. The worst (yet the best) relationship he's had to date.

Kurt and Sebastian were together for 4 years. Their time together was passionate, ranging from love to hate. Unfortunately the bad times outweighed the good. Kurt had loved Sebastian but he could see how unhealthy the relationship was and decided to break it off. Kurt hoped he would be able to move on from Sebastian and find happiness with another guy, one who he didn't constantly fight with. One with whom he trusted completely. Since then there have been a few guys, all great, all loving. Yet here he was 5 years later another failed relationship behind him, and it was all _his _fault.

Anytime a new guy made a mistake he thought of Sebastian, and what Sebastian had done. Once it came to that it was over, Kurt could think of nothing else but Sebastian so he would end the relationship. Kurt became overly cautious when meeting new guys; he wanted to save himself and others from heartbreak.

Then there was Seth. He loved Seth and Seth loved him. It wasn't like with Sebastian, Seth never gave him a reason to doubt his love. But he still held back. Seth knew of Kurt's past and did everything he could to make him forget Sebastian and the heartache associated with him. But Kurt couldn't forget.

Seth came home a few hours later than usual and that's when it all ended. As Kurt sat alone waiting for Seth to come home he flashed back to one of his many fights with Sebastian.

_It was 2 o'clock in the morning when Sebastian finally stumbled home. Quietly shutting the door (or so he thought) he turned on the kitchen light, startled to find Kurt. "Hey babe" Sebastian slurred leaning down for a kiss only to be pushed away._

"_Don't 'hey babe' me. What happened to 'I'm going for a quick case winning drink with the guys, be home by 8? 8 Sebastian! It's 2 AM." Kurt said angrily._

_Sebastian groaned "Not this again…"_

It was one of many redundant fights they had, and when Seth came home late it was like being with Sebastian all over again. Kurt had immediately launched into a tirade against Seth, not giving him a chance to explain.

When Kurt finally stopped Seth looked at him sadly "I'm not Sebastian" he said hurt. "If you would have given me a chance I would have told you that the subway stalled so I had no service, I couldn't call you. And when I did get in a service area I tried calling but you didn't answer." Kurt then realized his phone was in the bedroom, on silent. "But it doesn't matter because every mistake I make you compare to him. Every little thing that goes wrong comes back to him." He sighed "I've tried Kurt, I really have. I tell you I love you. I show how much I care, but it's never enough. You may think you're over Sebastian, but you're not. I'm going to stay with my brother; I'll get my things this weekend."

"No" Kurt pleaded "please don't leave, I love you."

Seth gestured toward the closet "You can't let him go, Kurt. I've known this for awhile but I thought maybe, just maybe you would be able to someday. But then I come home late one time and you jump to conclusions. I've been dealing with him for too long and I just can't do it anymore, I'm sorry."

Kurt watched him leave. He didn't try to stop him because he was right. So here he sat drinking alone glaring at the closet. "It's been 5 years Sebastian, why can't I let you go?" he asked out loud. "I know breaking up with you was the right thing to do, so why can't I move on? I hate you."

Kurt laid down on the couch, too tired to move to the bedroom, plus he didn't want to sleep in their bed (his bed now) alone. "You ruined my life" he said bitterly "I just lost an amazing guy because of you. You caused me so much heartache." He stretched out the couch wasn't very comfortable. "I hate you" he said yawning.

"But I love you" he muttered before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
